Are you internally or externally referenced?

Do you know if you’re internally or externally referenced?

If you’re externally referenced you’re likely to value highly the opinions and thoughts of others and tend to like to be valued by others too. If you’re internally referenced you tend to have a strong sense of what you think before canvassing or needing approval from others and are less concerned with what others think about you.

You will probably know which you veer towards based on your actions in decision making in your life – do you like to know where you stand on something before sharing it or asking others about it or do you look for clues or community thought to understand your view?

Neither is good or bad, it’s just that there will be times that being one more so than the other can cause us difficulty, such as when we have a strong opinion which is important to be heard but we feel we can’t because it isn’t agreeable. Or when we withhold from a decision which felt instinctively right because lots around us said it wasn’t a good idea.

It can be a way to remind us too that if we are one and want to be more of another, to gather skills or ways of being that move us towards it.

Such as being so externally referenced that our self-esteem is gone because praise is withheld or never acquired, and learning ways to bolster ourselves instead of needing it from others.

Likewise, if we only rely on ourselves for everything perhaps we can let others in and show them we need their love and care.

Do you think you’re one more so than the other and how does it help or hinder you?