I’m leaving instagram

I was listening to Jon Ronson's 'when things fell apart' podcast this weekend and then caught him being interviewed about it on the Fortunately podcast...Fi and Jane asked him what he thinks the next consideration will be for how the online world impacts us.

He said he "wonders whether it will be something about the internet turning us insane". That's not his conclusion - he says he doesn't know - but is interested in looking into it as the next big discussion on ethics and the internet.

I thought this was really interesting.

I'm someone who has a love/like relationship with social media (which is just a part of the internet, obviously).

I've used it to amazing ability - to connect with clients, audience, speakers, interviews, friends and more.

But I also notice as I move into a time of my life when I fully admit my brain can't cope with more information processing when it's in moments of internal processing already, how this will impact how I use it as I go and grow forward.

I've been thinking a lot about numbers, in particular.

We have so much evidence of everyone's numbers.

Their followers, connections, list and their money (in and out, if it's fully shared transparently).

And sometimes I appreciate this, but other times I'm just overwhelmed.

I've been overwhelmed by noise, comparison, and placing myself on an imaginary tier system.

"Well, I'm better than them, but not as good as them"

I'm overwhelmed by how success IS measured on the surface BY numbers.

Luckily if we have time, and inclination we KNOW it's not all about the numbers, but we know we make an impression on someone in the first 3 seconds of meeting and this simply transfers to our impression of them online too.

Quality writing, quality images, quality expression all matter. But tell me you don't also go to their numbers? Almost immediately.

How many likes they got. How viral their post is. How many comments they're getting.

I don't always feel like this about social media or the internet. I definitely go through waves of it. But I want to find a new way to talk about and interact with it.

It's not a binary

1= 'you must use it fully, be present, be available, be scouting all the time'

0= 'you only need offline referrals and no profiles anywhere

Of course there's measured use, of course there's muting, reducing use, taking off apps.

But they're BEHAVIOURS, and behaviours don't always go deep enough on the incredibly deep and often shameful feelings we have about social media,

about comparison,

about lack of focus;

because even when we've changed behaviours we're still feeling a sense of heaviness.

I've banged on about social media within gentle business for years and I feel like this post is just the same as what I said 4 years ago.

That's not because nothing's changed, it's just that my feelings about it all get updated regularly and they're pretty circular.

I don't want to not be present on social media. But I do want to take more control even from the controls I have in place.

That means a rather undramatic exit from instagram for a long while.

I thought about deleting my whole profile but I actually want to keep it there to see what happens.

I'm taking a year off. I won't post to feed, stories, IGTV or reels. I won't have the app on my phone.

It's not because I don't like it over there. I like it too much and like an addict I need to go cold turkey. I love the people, the friends, the clients, the promotions I've done on instagram.

I don't like the feeling I'm meant to like accounts and opinions when I really don't. I don't like the fact that even minimising things I don't want to see I still see them. I don't like the fact that my brain can't separate online from offline easily over there in particular. It carries the weight of some discussions, announcements, shares, and more - for sometimes days and weeks.

Can I just say for absolute clarity here too - reading the above paragraph you might think I'm leaning towards an anti-woke agenda. I, and it, is very much not. Far from it, I love how I've learnt so much more FROM instagram on way more topics than I could have googled or have shared with me organically.

But I'm going to go as far as saying that I think instagram impacts my trauma.

It traumatises me, sometimes.

And anytime I can control that, I will.

So, there we go.

This isn't an "I hate social media post". I'm going to spend quality time on Linkedin and you may remember a post from summer 2020 on my month-long experiment over there which was incredibly emotionally and financially successful for me.

This isn't even an "I hate instagram" post. I've loved it. But I've had enough of my brain not coping with certain parts of it. I cannot tell you it, and I, will not have the same experience on LI, or any other platform but I won't know until I fully commit.

It’s not a great business decision. IG works for me, even when I’m not on it. I get referrals from followers, people join my list and my group from it. I have private coaching requests.

I've met amazing friends, connections and clients on there and learnt so much from new communities and thinkers I may not have had a chance to connect with elsewhere.

BUT I can generate the same and more on LI or any other platform of my choosing - because I'm the common denominator to all of that anyway; I just don't want to split my time and brain anymore between major platforms. IG has too many downs for me personally right now to overthink the business side of it.

Also, a natural response might be to get a social media manager to do it all. But that means I can't write organically and authentically and interact organically and authentically - as me. It’s my personal brand and it just doesn’t work having someone else write, interact and share as me. It might for you and your brand, so this isn't a conclusion for everyone.

On that note, you might be thinking what this means for you.

That Instagram triggers you too much too, but you don’t have trauma so why would you leave? Plus you rely on it too much right now. 

But you don’t have to have trauma (conscious or sub-) to leave. You don’t have to be anything like me to do so either. You may also decide you don’t have to rely on it, or want to rely on it, or want to grow even further on it.

It’s such a personal decision, it’s not mine to suggest for you. 

I decided to forgive myself for always thinking that other people seem to be able to manage being on there more / better too. To do loads, be present on that platform and be OK.

I can't, in the way that I want to spend healthy time, so I'm leaving. 

I've run my business in one form or another for 7+ years now. It, and I, am resilient to change in how it's run. Which social media platform you're on is really such a small part of your business overall, and yet it becomes foundational to us - taking up so much of our time, discussion, effort, presence.

We can reduce that by helping ourselves be in the most flow with the platforms we're choosing, and we can decide how to make it work for us.

I've also seen a lot of change in even just the last 3 years, and I'm going to tell you that you get to decide how you want to run your business so that you continue as the founder, coach and leader you are.

It is IMPERATIVE you do this, or else you won't survive in your business. That isn't scaremongering, it's simply a conclusion based on what leads to burnout, businesses growing or failing, and our behaviours, focus and motivation.

All of this is a long way to tell you about my instagram break.

But it goes much deeper than just a social media platform. This is really a symptom of how we can and have to choose to run our business so that it has longevity and WE still love it decades later.

It's always about evolving and working out what's working for not just your numbers, but your energy, mind, quality of work, and more, too.

You don’t have to feel you have so much caught up in your business that you cannot prioritise your brain. You will find solutions to the way you want to show up, share, and be present when you make great decisions about what's right for you as the Founder first.

Social media wise I’ll see you on Linkedin and my Expert Coaching Group. And for deeper mindset chat, on my email list below.

Emily x